Friday's getting closer

I've had a funny week. Today for the first time I wore my wig like all day. Of course we got rained on mercilessly but Bailey found it so amusing that we all laughed (Jacqueline, Kama and Claire, Bailey and I). As soon as I got home I took it off and went back to the bandana and some dry clothes.

Yesterday a woman who we've seen at the library a couple times saw me and asked "were you here last week?" So I said yes, told her my daughter was in the story-time. And she looked at me with my scarf on my head and said "You must have had your hair down". It just struck me so funny - all I could do was muster a yes and suppress my laugh. But I was happy that I didn't look sickly to her. To me it seems so obvious that I am a 'cancer patient' I feel like that's what people see. Like a neon sign flashes over my head blinking "breast cancer".

Another weird moment; I shaved my head. I keep thinking that I now have the same hair style as my former office-mate Martin. I took Kevin's clippers out and had at it. It's much more comfortable for me than having the remaining hair pull and itch my scalp when wearing hats or scarves. But it sure isn't pretty. (It's only hair and it'll grow back. Repeat 3 times)

I'm not really looking forward to Friday except that I'll be on treatment 3 of 4 for this first & worse round of chemo. Nearly at the halfway point. And I have noticed even more shrinking since the last visit. That's encouraging. Buying the anti-nausea medicine sort of changed the mood today though. So did wearing a wig. I'm a bit self conscious in it. I might not wear it much to be honest but I am glad to have it when I want to appear normal out in the world. And other days, most days, I feel like I want to look how I look. Scarves, hats, whatever, I sort of want people to see a young-ish Mom of young kids battling a serious illness and still going out and about. Living life...carrying on.