Maybe my new Buddha kept me centered in advance of this treatment. He arrived just in time to help before this treatment and he's sitting in the living room right behind me now. I don't have that anxiety of going to the same degree as I have in the past.
I'm going to have Jacqueline help with my stickers for today and leave the extras for other patients. My appointment is at 10:30 this morning so I ought to be done around 2:30. If things go as I expect then I'll be up for my yoga class in the morning on Saturday.
One of the Moms that I've been chatting with during Jacqueline's swim lessons remarked about all my pretty scarves. That topic went for a few minutes while they each told me which were their favorites and then one said 'You must be so hot wearing them'. Yeah, but not as hot as I would have been with my helmet of hair. We're all hot in 90+ temps. She went on to say it'd be cool if I just had shaved my head. Huh. Did that, too, and I told her how that went down. She thought I should just sit there with my bald head - I'm not there yet. I don't think that I'll ever do that. I like wearing the scarves and I don 't know that I'd be all that comfortable with my naked head on display. I did peel back the Fendi to show her my bald head though.
It's funny - everyone can say and truly believe "it's only hair" and even "so you loose a breast but it saves your life". But when it's a reality for you like it is for me, suddenly that seems to be way too simplistic. Yeah, it's just a part of me. And yeah, I'd rather live a long healthy life than keep a breast that might jeopardize my health. BUT, it's still me. I'm still going to see the scars every day when I shower and dress. You/they won't. With any luck after a reconstruction it'll be impossible for people to know. But I will always know that I am scarred from this. YES! Of course it is far better than to be sick or worse, but it's not so simple. It's not so black & white as to say give up the breast and be healthy forever. If it were a toll to pay then the choice might be simpler for many women.
I still don't know for sure what course of action I will take with my doctors. I do know that I have a lot of love too support me no matter what. I'm investigating the options available to me and I hope to find that balance between safety and preservation of health. Scarred as I might be after this I hope I can view the scars as medals of honor.
Add treats/cocktails to your Friday agenda. Every one of these treatments that we get through warrants another cheer. We're getting there everyone.
2 comments:
You know...Even though I want to, I can't even bring myself to cut my hair short, let alone not have any. Being a bald woman is a HUGE deal. It's not simple. And yet through it all, you are able to hold your head high,
-maybe because it's so much lighter. :)
You're doing it Jenn. You're getting through it. And in true MOTSCH style.
I heard "My Sharona" the other night. Cranked it up, danced around, and thought of you. I think you should do the same tonight. I hope the treatment went well today.
Cheers to you babe! Love you ALWAYS -Molly
{{{ jenn }}}
with tears in my eyes for a myriad of reasons, please know that while i cannot tell you i now how you feel, i can empathize with you.
all of it, i..e, breast reconstruction surgery is an IMMENSE deal.
the topic of breasts or the preconceived lack thereof (paltrow, bullock, hudson, roberts, etc.) always raises the hackles on the back of my neck that women's sexuality is identified with breasts. you will be well served to not get me headed to my soap box on the topic of hugh heffner and after market body parts.
-- Jennifer Webb --
please know that YOU and your plucky spirit have made this challenge seem so ... manageable.
CNN is searching for heroes. my search is over and time for the journey to begin for YOU are mine.
How do I love thee?
No. That query is not apt.
How do I envy thy courage, bravery, fortitude, lack of self pity, sense of humor, generosity of self, etc.?
A veritable, unmitigated, plethora ad infinitum.
Delighted the buddha is lending succor.
With love and infinite amounts of awe,
c-pie
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