Only 30 Days Ago...

That's when I posted to this blog that I hugged myself over the news that a lumpectomy was indeed a viable option for my treatment. It was such good news. And today, I walked out the front door with my daughter for the school bus. We had Bailey in the stroller and Chloé on her leash. I am still whole. After the bus came I walked a quick morning walk and thought. I thought about the last 2 weeks. It seems strangely longer than 2 weeks. I went to Long Island, went to the beach, visited family, visited Sloan-Kettering and had my surgery, came home, went back, had my mom here to help, started school!!! We've been SO BUSY with living. I am so grateful.

I am beyond words that I could take my daughter to the bus stop on her first day of First grade. I am walking for exercise/for "me" time. I can do the dishes without wincing when I move my arm a certain way. I am HEALING! By Thurs. I'll be driving most likely and able to lift more than 10 pounds again meaning I am cleared to lift Bailey (I've cheated a few times lifting with my right and him climbing up to help). It's winding down.

The surgery is behind me and I have this pathology report that says I am clean. It actually says;

BENIGN BREAST TISSUE...NO EVIDENCE OF RESIDUAL IN SITU OR INVASIVE CARCINOMA.

How cool is that? NO EVIDENCE!!!

I mean, back in July I thought I would be going through re-constructive surgery on my left breast. I had met with the surgeon twice to discuss the procedure. Instead I get to keep what I was born with - my own body now with a couple "s" shaped scars for character. All that tissue and all those lymph nodes (21!) and no cancer cells found. What a difference from April when I had a visible mass and we heard the worst news we could have imagined. But now, now I am on the mend physically, and for the mental and spiritual healing process, still taking my drugs, taking walks and hopefully start again with some yoga & creative outlets / painting soon.

I still haven't cried those tears I expected to - I guess I am not ready for that release. Right now I am going to enjoy a little break in the action and know that what we've done so far has gotten us to the right place. Maybe I can let my guard down a little more. Now I don't have to envision my energy destroying cancer cells, I have to see myself growing stronger and healthier overall. I am stronger than I was in April. Wait till I get through the radiation - maybe I'll be a mommy-hulk-superhero that turns pink (not green) when I get into my "zone" of heroic mom action. Or maybe I'll just be Jenn with the short, silver hair cruising around in the "pony car" on Saturdays. We'll see.