Monday, October 15, 2007
Monday Again
I wiped off "29" and replaced it with "28" on my chalkboard. Even with most of my treatments still ahead of me, I am happy to check off the numbers. Starting this I felt a bit out-of-control again. Then the treatment is invisible so I lay there while this machine zaps me and I wonder what it's really doing for me. Is it really necessary? really working? And I talk myself through believing that it is in fact working. I remember Dr. Heerdt telling me, Dr. Schauer and Dr. Lee all telling me that it's necessary, that it's insurance... that it's fighting off any remaining cancer cells in the breast. If there's any little bit anywhere. (But I don't think that it is anywhere. I don't think that any cancer survived the chemotherapy.) I did see my radiation buddy today. She got there late, I'd gotten there early so they took me first. She was waiting & when I came out she was called in. I left my email and numbers on her car and we're going to have some actual coffee & conversation on Wednesday morning after the zapping. I guess we all want to have someone who can relate and who better than a person in the same/similar situation?
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2 comments:
woo-hoo!
#28!
i like it very much! friday = # 25. halloween = #17! trick or treat!
and, jenn, insurance is a "good" thing, ya know?
and, as is your wont, you are spot on with your realization as to how helpful it is to your inner machinations to have someone who can relate.
as much as i love you and send you my unwavering daily support, think pink and wear the same, i recognize it is "jest" not the same as someone who has or is walking in your shoes.
besides, alas and alack, you cannot wear mine for they are a size 6 [smart aleck smile] !!!
my feeble attempt at humor aside, it is reassuring to know that you are marking off the days.
soon, very soon, jenn, this chapter will be concluded.
please keep boldly embracing and holding to YOUR thoughts of nothing being there except your bodacious ta-ta's! [sorry if i might offend the grandparents].
CLEAN = the magic words vto envision and focus upon while being zapped.
you are so very dear and deeply loved,
cherie
ps --
there are inevitably some benefits to having a program director of 3 radio stations across the US of A DJ as a boyfriend when you are 18 and he is 30, as his musical "library" became mine. this song has been playing like an old tape loop in my head ever since your "zapping" commenced but with the revised lyrics: Zapper
Hey girl, I bet you
Cancer thinks he's out to get you.
You'll find him anywhere
On a bus, in a bar, in a grocery store.
He'll say "Excuse me, haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
Zap, zap, zap, they call me the Zapper.
Zap, zap, zap, you know that Cancer is what I'm after.
So, Cancer starts his rappin'
Hoping something will happen.
He'll say he needs you,
A companion, a girl he can talk to.
He's made up his mind.
He needs a breast to sock it to.
Zap, zap, zap, they call me the Zapper.
Zap, zap, zap, you know that Cancer is what I'm after.
Cancer made an impression,
So he makes a suggestion.
"Come up to my place
For some coffee or tea or me."
He thinks he's got you where he wants you.
Jenn, you've gotta ZAP reality.
Zap, zap, zap, they call me the Zapper.
Zap, zap, zap, you know that Cancer is what I'm after.
Zap, zap, zap, you know that Cancer is what I'm after.
27!!!
It's nice to see those #'s going down so quickly.
It would be nice if my scale did the same trick!
Love ya babe! -Molly :)
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