Hopefully it's part of my charm... today the slacker-ness caught up with me and reminded me that Christmas is less than a week away. I have very few days to get organized here. My big plans and efforts began well in advance, I made some headway, and fizzled out. Now I have some degree of holiday angst, or "Stressmas" as I've heard it called. It's funny mainly. I've got mental and written lists of "to-dos", ideas, assigned gifts, and basically you can all count on a late card/gift/whatever. I am laughing at myself for doing what I always do. I guess things are getting back to 'normal'.
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Some posts have included musing about the universe giving different signs. It's happened again. There were a few dismal days of worry regarding those tests last week. Somehow the stars were aligned and the phone rang, the boxes, emails and cards were delivered, and I felt especially thought of and cared for. Thank you. One of the cards talked about the strength & love of my family, the 4 of us, and that day I needed that. Another package included some health-drinks to try and snuggly head wraps. Yeah, my hair is coming back full thickness, but I still wear plenty of hats and bandannas especially in this New England Winter we're having. My friends and family have been there each in their unique ways to help me through each step. Thank you.
I have always had sentimental attachments to objects, jewelry, cards, anything really. I can attach a person, a feeling, a memory to most things. I viewed it as a weakness until recently, when I realized that it makes me happy to have those attachments and call up those memories. Today I took a jeweled pin from the mess of jewelry that I have. It's a wreath of greenish-aqua gemstones. When the sun hits it, it reflects like a disco ball. It was my Grandmothers and I don't think that it has any value outside of being hers. Of course, it's quite valuable to me. I thought I was being all cool and fashion forward with the vintage pin set against my bright pink scarf; it said "Holidays" without the red & green standard. While driving from store-to-store, I realized that the pin was gone! I looked around, I felt around my seat, a looked as safely as I could while driving and then spent a few miles telling myself; a) That's what you get for wearing it out, you lost it!; and then, b) It's only a thing. It doesn't take away your memories of Grandma.
In all honesty, I don't even remember her wearing this pin but it was in a box of her jewelry that I have and it reminds me of her and I NEVER wear it out. I looked as I parked the car at the next stop and thought about the 2 previous stops... would it be there when I returned? in the parking lot smashed? at the counter safe? As I reached in the back door to get Bailey out, I saw it sparkling on the floor of the car. Just waiting for me and reflecting the bright sunlight back out.
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Kama and I went out tonight to have that casual sister time we dreamed about when we were so far apart. We made a plan, we left our homes and headed to a new place. It was closed. OK. Plan B… closed, too. Determined to enjoy our time we quickly came up with a "Plan C" and they were OPEN. We ordered a coffee and a 'smores dessert, sat down and talked. Apparently we were not supposed to eat anything tonight because after a while, a guy comes out and tells us that they are out of the supplies for the 'smores, "Do you want a refund?", he asks. No pal, keep the $8. YES! we want a refund. On to Plan D; wander around Pier 1 for last minute gifts. Good - it borders on practical. While we're there I meet a friend of Kama's who knows me from here (the blog) and as she leaves us she asks "can I give you a hug?" I rarely turn down a hug and I was touched by her comments about the blog, and about just standing around talking about the holidays. I was happy that she checks this out and a little proud that in some way it reached her. I thought: Maybe some days my words are actually another persons 'gift from the universe'. Maybe there are days when someone does something small or big after they read this. It's that whole 'the act of giving is better than receiving' thing. And it's better for my figure than the 'smores.
4 comments:
you have charm aplenty!
stressmas? nah!
Here’s my list of "to do" items and to give as gifts – ANYTIME - from an old adage:
Give to your enemy forgiveness.
To your opponent tolerance.
To your friend your heart.
To all men charity, for the hands that help are holier than lips that pray.
To every child a good example.
and
to yourself - respect.
goals and resolutions for 2008:
Mend a quarrel.
Seek out a forgotten friend.
Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust.
Write a letter.
Give a soft answer.
Encourage youth.
Manifest your loyalty in word and
deed.
Keep a promise.
Forgo a grudge.
Forgive an enemy.
Apologize.
Try to understand.
Examine your demands on others.
Think first of someone else.
Be kind.
Be gentle.
Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude.
Welcome a stranger.
Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
Speak your love and then speak it again.
-- author unknown
jenn, "consumate slacker ..." this is one of your better posts. Truly, you are developing as a writer painting words with vowels and consonants.
always know that there is a place that lies within your dreams ... a place of vision and knowledge.
please visit it often and listen to the wisdom of your munificent heart.
merry & happy with my love,
cherie
PS -- you look adorable!
PS --
ran across this gem and thought you might find it of value:
Last Lecture: How to Achieve Your Childhood Dreams. It’s a very short video about Randy Pausch, a Carnegie Mellon professor and 3D graphics nerd, who has pancreatic cancer and probably just a few months to live.
When I checked out his web site and viewed the photo of him scuba diving as well as the "plucky" comments from his medical "update page," for some reason YOU sprang to mind for i can readily imagine you having the same conversation with your oncologist and then doing the same thing!
delighted you found the pin and enjoyed kama!
continue to laugh, jenn.
xo,
~ c
Hi Jenn,
I feel like I can leave a comment now that we have met.
Just wanted to let you know why your courage, strength, hope and thoughts have helped me. My dad died 3 years ago, and when he died I vowed that I would "not sweat the small stuff" as you put it. I sadly realized that life is too short and you should enjoy it as much as possible. I did very well for the first 2 years, but life got in the way and clouded that vow. It was around that time that Kama gave me your terrible news. A few months later I read your first entry in your blog. I was inspired by your courage. I decided I would check in every week to be reminded that life should be lived to the fullest (ice cream and all!).
I still check in every week. Thank you for helping me to keep my vow in mind. Some days are harder than others (especially this time of year), but I feel that I am a better person for it.
It was wonderful to meet you. Have a wonderful holiday.
Becky
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