In the midst of my own health ordeal my sister felt a lump in her breast. Naturally, and logically, we all thought and said the same things we said prior to my diagnosis; "it's probably nothing". And then I think we said a silent prayer to ourselves because anything other than nothing was going to be more than we could bear. Kama didn't waste time going to her doc and then scheduling with the breast specialist. Her appointment was today. And Dr. Lee found nothing alarming. They discussed her check ups in the future. But now she is good.
So we exhaled a big collective sigh of relief.
Dr. Lee is my surgeon/breast specialist. She asked Kama about me and my family, the kids, my folks, etc. While they talked Kama relayed to Dr. Lee that my mass was shrinking already. Apparently Dr. Lee smiled and clapped and said that it was encouraging, she was clearly, genuinely happy. When I heard from Kama about Dr.Lee's reaction I nearly cried tears of joy. For her to be excited means a lot to me. It's like I have permission to be excited... and I was happy with the news, but now it seems validated.
It's shrinking already. And it's impressing the doctors. I can't describe the feeling. I put on a cute outfit and some makeup... something I haven't been up for since Friday. It was as if I had washed away the gray clouds of the chemo weekend.
I'm still telling the tumor/ the cancer to go to hell. I try to envision it shrinking away and the rest of me growing stronger. I keep thinking about how exactly we'll be celebrating and dream about all my family & friends being there to share that moment. The moment when we can say that it's behind us.
I got some sunshine during Jacqueline's lacrosse practice and had a pretty good day with the kids. Bailey is starting to stand unassisted and walk holding our hands. Jacqueline is sweet as ever - my angel baby still. I even had some Claire time and a good sister hug from Kama. Life is good despite this hair-loss and the interruption.
6 comments:
jenn and family --
oh my stars! when it rains it pours AND then the sun breaks through. thank goodness.
your attitude is more than half of what it takes to wage a victory.
while i am a bit shy to contribute to this blog in my true nature for i have not met your friends and family, i must cast aside any of my own needs and be true to who i am with you - always, and especially now that this "life lesson" has appeared in all of our paths for every action we take AND do NOT take -- matters.
please give yourself more than permission to be excited, elated and thrilled beyond immeasurable compare.
the zen masters subscribe to the following creeds, among many:
Change is the only absolute in living - accept it with faith, not fear. Challenge it with love - not resentment - for it is the poetry of life.
AND
It is our resistance to what is that causes our suffering.
jenn, with the way you think, analyze, and then decide, i know that you will emerge from this "challenge" and learning experience all the better.
and, as a side note, while it is so easy for me to type these words to to you about hair loss as no big deal even though i had my own comedic experience with being sanjaya before he was, in the grand scheme of life, you truly are so much more than mere follicles.
you are lovable and ever so valued. on one of your blogs your profile poses the query, 'what else?'
you are iconoclastic, an innovator, a dreamer, a champion for others, a thinker, a sentient being, and last, but incontrovertibly not last, you are a witty articulator and observer on life. i still BELIEVE that episodic TV looms in your not-so-distant future as a conceptual artist and writer in your future. so there! nee ner, nee ner!
jennifer webb, i find you unique - a wonderful addition to this life.
YOU are beyond important.
believe it, know it, accept it.
allow your realization of self to radiate among your peers and become fully manifest.
reflect your feelings, your hopes and your dreams.
you have much to contribute to this world in your lifetime, both as a person and professionally.
grow with your inimitable difference, which sets you apart from the masses.
become a new experience for other people - they can learn from you.
you are here to provide a higher good and lead by example - this is your purpose.
the world needs you.
when or if you hold back - the world is that much less for there is no one else like you and there never will be - hair or no hair [gentle understanding smile].
And a zen saying, 'rise above fear for it is the basis of all problems. if fear is the problem "love" is the answer.
love,
~ c
Jenn,
I've been praying for you every day, and since I'm such a slacker :-) and haven't checked your site in a few days, you can imagine how excited I was to read your recent entries! Of course I had to shed a few tears of happiness for you. I'm so glad your second treatment went well and that you feel good. I'm elated that the tumor is shrinking! Keep cursing the cancer demon and remain strong in your belief of eliminating it from your life! I'm pulling and praying for you. Thank you so much for sharing with everyone! It helps to know how you are.
Love you,
Gwen
That IS a big relief. You're doing great!!!
xoxoSophie
Hey Jenn,
You're a great blogger :)
I am very relieved to know that your sister is not in any danger and that you are already on your way to being well too!
Your incredible attitude seems so impenetrable. Let that, along with your sweet angels Jacqueline and Bailey and the love and support of Kevin and the rest of your family- be the force to drive this nasty intruder out of your life and lives.
Always the best to you,
lala
Jenn-
I love the way you write these bogs. I feel like we're sitting down having coffee together and you're filling me in on your news. What a wonderful day- great news about Kama & excitement from your doctor.
You keep telling that cancer where to go...
Love you-
Alicia
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