Better News

As many of you already read, I was a bit anxious today going into seeing the surgeon for the first time since the beginning of my chemo treatments. There were a million things running through my head. Things I wanted and didn't want to hear. What about the genetic test results? What if we look at the mass with the ultra-sound? When & what is on our schedule or in our game plan from here on? I had tears rolling down my cheeks as I typed that last entry.

I washed my face and cleaned up and went to my appointment; Kevin met me at their office.

Dr. Lee shared the good genetic test results first: NO MUTATIONS. Heavy sigh. What a relief for me and for the women in my family. In the immediate future it means that I don't need to consider having a double mastectomy because of genetics. One thing off the list of worries.

Then she did the manual/visual exam and immediately remarked that she couldn't see it like when I had first come in. (You could actually see the lump under my skin back in April.) And then she felt for lymph nodes in my armpits - nothing there, no tenderness. Then she did the breast exam on each side. So I am looking RIGHT at her face while she feels around. I'm waiting for some indication of her findings. And she can't feel it. She CANNOT FEEL THE MASS ANYMORE. It's not palpable.

With the ultrasound machine all fired up we hold our breath as she takes a look. The wand is moved around in the general area and I am watching the screen and the doctors face without blinking. All that I see on the screen looks like normal tissue. Of course, I didn't go to med school so I ask "Is that all normal tissue?" and she answers "yes". She keeps looking with the ultrasound and then there's a black mark - she thinks it could be from the biopsy site, not the tumor. She keeps looking and there are may be some traces of the thing; there are some faint soft shapes. Even Dr. Lee says something like 'Oh My God' or 'Holy Crap' and promptly apologizes for her language. (Cracked me up - I told her she should let it all hang out). She's impressed at how drastic the difference is. You can tell that she is pleased and she tells us that I am doing fantastic.

Kevin and I are a little less cautiously optimistic and just flat out happy. We talked over lunch about things we want to look into with respect to my treatment and getting a second opinion. Both of us want to feel like we had all the info we could get to make the best decision. Right now, I'm not confident that we're there. So we're going to get our questions ready and call on a favor from a friend in NYC (Dana's an oncologist). I think that you all agree that we need to feel confident in our choices and that we've explored all the options.

I feel like a weight was lifted today. It's better than April that's for damn sure!