The Surgery Itself

I had to make it until 3:45 on Wednesday. No food or drink; just waiting. Wait for the mammogram, for the wire placement, for the surgeon. There was a roomful of other families and their wait. Some were reading, doing sudoku or crosswords, pacing, making calls. Mainly they were waiting.

My folks, Kevin and I got to the hospital earlier than we were told to. I checked in at the admitting desk and then we took a little time before we went to that waiting area. We watched people. I guess that the 5th floor was the breast surgery floor and that's where we were sent. I got to change into hospital robes and undergarments (it made me laugh when the nurses said the radiology techs asked for patients to get undies so that the techs wouldn't get flashed!). NOT a flattering outfit. I also got a blanket to wrap up in and socks with no-skid soles.

Around 2 or so they called me to go for the mammogram. Back to the 2nd floor where I'd had my chest x-ray the day before. I felt like I knew the place. I waited for my name to be called and walked back to the breast imaging suite with Mom. We waited a while for the doctor to get to me and Mom had to go. They started with a mammogram of the left breast to see where the marker was. The plan was to insert a wire to mark the area that Dr. Heerdt would want to remove. To do that they took images, placed the wire via a needle, took more pictures, adjusted, took more pictures and decided it was perfect. Yes, all the while I was clamped into the mammography machine. I tried not to look at the wire.

Back up to the 5th floor to wait. I was getting cranky and hungry and I was trying to figure out what other people were there for. There were men patients... what did they have? Who was that waiting beside the other patients? A friend? Sister? Anyway, each crossword I did referred to food, then some one was reading a recipe aloud - I couldn't stop thinking about the taco place Kevin and I'd had lunch at the day before. Their number was 874-TACO!

Then they called me in to meet the anesthesiologist. What was his name? He was smiling, friendly, youngish, handsome... told me what he'd be doing. More waiting back there. Waiting for the nurse to take me back to the O.R. When she came she was young, thin, cold from the icy air in the O.R. and gentle with us. Kevin and I said so long - did we? We waved. We were OK. I walked back with the nurse and into the room where it would happen.

The bright room was freezing cold. I was hooked up to monitors and had the IV started. I could see the recent breast images up there on the light box. Dr. Chung introduced herself - she looks like Sandra Oh on Grey's Anatomy? - and then Dr. Heerdt came in. She told me that the wire placement was perfect, and she drew on me so I could see what the incision would be like. Not that big I thought. And then I think I woke up in recovery.

Kevin was there and smiling so I knew that Dr. Heerdt had given him good news when she went out to update Kev and my folks on my surgery. How long was it? Had they eaten yet? I was in and out of it. One of the recovery nurses said something - was she saying that my doctors in CT had messed up? Then Dr. Heerdt told me I did great and that it all looked great. I am now in love with Dr. Heerdt. Another angel sent to me.

I was wheeled in the bed up to my room on the 10th floor. I got a private room. Great. It's nice, there is pretty wallpaper, it seems good. We say goodbye for the night and I am alone. I sent Kevin home - he was sneezy, he needed to sleep and he didn't need to bring his cold there to me or the others. I wasn't sure if I would sleep or eat or what. I waited. There was no tray of liquids from the cafeteria since I got to my room after 9pm. A nurse brought me some crackers, jello, juice and water. Someone checked my vitals every couple hours and by 2 am I had grown bored with the news and infomercials. I had been in and out of sleep until 6:30 and then ordered some breakfast around 7. Eggs, yogurt parfait, coffee. I was happy to eat.

There was physical therapy that I had to attend at 10am. I was in a group with maybe 4 other women and I felt like I was in the best condition. One woman was maybe close to my age, Mary Ann, and she was not feeling good after the mastectomy she'd had Weenesday. Still experiencing nausea and the moving was too much - she left early to go lay down. There was a woman in her 60s named Katherine who was supposed to have left the day before but she had been too sick. She'd had a mastectomy as well. She offered me sympathy regarding the kids and how hard they must have made it for me. I told her that they had actually been a help to me keeping me focused on other things. Another woman came in - large and bitter and blond probably in her 40s. She scribbled notes in her spiral note book. To me she appeared to have been new to the cancer diagnosis. She didn't stay for the the support group. And there was Christine.

I'm afraid that if I seek out Christine I may freak her out like I'm a stalker. She was the 33 yr old. She'd gone through a double mastectomy, I wrote her name on the sign-in sheet because she looked so uncomfortable sitting there. I could write without pain. She also had a morphine drip with her IV pole "dance partner". She stayed for the support group; it was the 3 of us, she & I and the volunteer, Lorna.

Having been there just for one night I felt like I didn't get to take advantage of all the programs available. Everything that I did there was a help. I wished that Christine had come in for the "look good feel better" make-up party. That was worth it. My nurse Mary on Thursday was fabulous. I wanted to invite her over for a gin-and-tonic. We joked around about stuff, talked about the books we'd read/were reading. I liked her freckles. She was a sweet Irish girl - probably a little younger than me; I didn't ask. She had to show us how to deal with the drain and she gave me my discharge papers and wished us well. She was so positive but not in that way that's annoying.

On the way out I walked to the other side of the floor to say good bye to Christine. I met her husband, I told her to take care of herself and her baby girl. We told each other that we'd be fine - take care. Good Luck.

I walked out of there and we left through the people waiting, the smokers (yes outside the doors to the cancer center they are smoking!), and then we were out on the streets. We went to Gristede's and got some snacks for the drive out to my folks house. It was 4:20 or so when we got the car back from the QuikPark on 65th. The rest of the world walked by me not knowing that I was protecting my left side. They drove by us as if we were just anyone in traffic not like we had just triumphantly exited Sloan-Kettering with my breasts. I was happy traveling over the Queensborough Bridge, through Queens, out through Nassau and into Suffolk county on the L.I.E. We'd be home for supper.