Yes - I know. I need to call and make the appointment with the radiologist and get my appointment and subsequent daily treatments set up. Right now, I feel so good, I think I am just trying to enjoy it as long as I can.
That's not to say that I have any trepidation about the radiation therapy. I view it as an insurance policy in my treatment. Dr. H told me that I'd had a complete response to the chemo. In the pathology report there was no trace of the cancer, no cancer cells, no cancer in any lymph nodes; 0/21. More than anything, I expect it to be a nuisance because it'll be a daily occurrence for 6 weeks. From what I know about it today, I expect minor side-effects and fatigue. Just a bother when you boil it down.
When this all started I asked Dr L about how long it would be just awful for. How long before I can move on beyond cancer? She told me about 6-9 months. Here I am at about 5 months from the initial diagnosis. It seemed like it would be so long, so much to endure. Six weeks of radiation will fly by. It's all come and gone faster than I ever expected. I'm already 3 1/2 weeks past my surgery. By Thanksgiving I should be done. DONE! Did you read that? DONE! Except for a check-up here and there to make sure that I remain "clean".
Ah. I think I'll relax and watch some mindless junk on TV. That should be easy enough to find.
2 comments:
ENJOY THE T.V. JUNK,KICK BACK AND TAKE A LITTLE BREAK, YOU'RE ALMOST DONE.YOU'RE DOING GREAT JENN-MOO, DAD
jenn--
clean.
such a simple word that evokes a plethora of images, none of which i previously ever associated with such joyousness as hearing that you are such.
you entire experience has had a vast, profound, ever lasting impact upon my life.
today seems appropriate to leave you with one of my favorite poems that subsequently became a book for i feel that you have elevated my levels of awareness as to what is truly of value in this lifetime.
during one of our recent fiber optic giggle sessions i asked if you had ever read a certain poem. no, you said.
i explained how the author went to a party one evening, asked the usual banal questions only to return home filling unfulfilled and hollow.
now, i present to you to you, 'The Invitation' by Oriah Mountaindreamer:
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
thank you, jenn, for the opportunity of my own soul growth by being able to stand in the fire with you and not shrink back!
with immense love,
cherie
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