Since Friday

I took a trip to Long Island with the kids. We got to do some visiting with family and friends and I got to show off all my hair and eyelashes. I've gone out a few times now with my hair and no cap. The looks are still coming though, with the 'what's with that hair?' expression. Sometimes I feel sort of bad for these people and think I should tell them so that they can move on to the next thing. But I leave them to wonder. There are so many times when an assumption is made - whatever.

I was afforded an opportunity to get some input from another survivor (I've decided to keep other peoples names out of it when possible - what if they don't like to be blogged about?). Our situations are different: ages, kids, jobs, type of breast cancer, treatments are all different. We still had a lot to share and some similar experiences but the thing about her is that the 2 of us could talk openly knowing that the other understood some issues. For example, the fact that everything in the stores right now has a pink ribbon on it is at once a terrifying reminder and a show of support. We want to tell our stories and compare notes but we do not want to be defined by this alone. She thought I had it harder and I thought she had it harder. It's not a contest of course.

Being defined is a constant theme for women. We are our parents daughter, a student, someones fiancee and then wife, then someones mother and now a cancer patient? I just want to BE. We are many things all at once. I need to stop trying to define and just be true to myself.

Back to my encounter with a fellow survivor. She boosted my expectations for the radiation treatments. We shared a few knowing nods and some good laughs at some of the absurd things that happen. She is also tattooed - can anyone find out why the marks have to be permanent and not done with Henna or something? I go back to UCONN on Thursday for a simulation and then the countdown from 30 begins on Friday. Who's in for Champagne Thursdays? I'm going to need some friends around to keep me from drinking alone (phone calls count for company by the way!). Who am I kidding? A few sips and I'll be loopy. Maybe it should be ice-cream Thursdays.