Swelling in my arm

Yup. Another thing to deal with. Now my left arm is swelling ever so slightly. But I get to ad physical therapy to my list of "to do"s. Just what I was looking for - more to do with respect to this insidious disease that I don't have anymore. Dammit. I'm angry. People only write when they're "up" but I can't - I'm on this resentful streak. I don't like going to these appointments, I don't like that my arm is still painful sometimes, I don't like the scars, the "dent" where the tumor was, my butch hair-cut. I DON'T LIKE THIS ONE BIT! I may have gotten through 6 treatments, I still have 24 to go. And then what? Then I get to add tamoxifen to my daily routine. And then I get to have either an MRI or Mammogram every 6 months for the next however many years. It's not over in 5 weeks. It's not that simple. It's like the gift that keeps on giving - there's another symptom, another side effect, another thing keeping me from just being ME! I wish I could be the unaffected Jenn I was last year. I wish I really didn't have to deal with cancer. It Doesn't just stink for me, it stinks for my kids, my husband, my family. It stinks for my friends, new and old. I'm tired. I'm tired of being mad. I'm going to try to sleep it off for a bit. Maybe when I wake up I'll be less agitated. Maybe I can redirect my focus. I know that there are good things going on, too. Things that I can share in - the birth of a daughter to Michelle and Rick (YAY!). I know I can find good things - but I couldn't stuff the anger anymore. It needs to get out.
I'll try to come back later with anicer posting.