Back In Time

Over the weekend we traveled to the lake house in Sturbridge to spend the day. Friends of ours from BU and their kids were going to join us. It had been 10 years since we saw each other at their wedding (as a side note, they had a reception at the aquarium which I have talked about many times in 10 years!). I met Paul as an RA at BU. We were both at west campus and we had many beers at the Dugout and in front of football games during our days there. All week I had been looking forward to seeing my friend again, meeting his kids, showing off my kids and enjoying the relaxing lake day. It was going to be great.

But I hadn't told Paul about having cancer. Remember back at the beginning? I had delegated a lot of the telling the news to friends. I enlisted some help, but I neglected to address my college friends. They didn't know and some still don't. I had to tell Paul and Sheryl in person at what was supposed to be a fun, easy weekend.

Hi, how've you been? We're great. I had cancer but I'm OK now.

Ugh. Telling people who care about me is the worst. There's a certain look of worry and shock that I know I would go through, too. It's terrible and touching. I almost feel like standing up and pulling a Sally Field: You like me. You really like me.

So to anyone who I haven't told personally, I'm sorry. I just couldn't keep telling it. And even now, after the worst is over, it's still hard to spit out the words 'I had breast cancer'. Partly because it's already past tense. I had it. Now I don't.