Second Cancer-versary

I spent the approach to this 2nd anniversary a ball of nerves. I had an MRI, and appointment with my local oncologist and a visit with my surgeon at Sloan-Kettering. My calendar was full of something other than play-dates for the kids. Not exactly what you dream of, but when you have the energy to think in "silver lining" you tell yourself 'I'll get some confirmation that all is well'. The day of the "Pity Party" it sounds a little more like 'this just sucks!'

All of my reports came back good. Clean MRI, good blood counts and healthy heart and lungs. My Surgeon came in the room and said 'You look great!' and told me everything was perfect. You know it's all relative, but when you have a report like that, coming from your surgeon, it makes you smile wide and shed tears.

Kevin and I drove down together last Thursday and had a pre-visit lunch at "Hot & Crusty"; a little corner deli-pizza-bakery nearby the doctors office. It was a pretty day and then the huge exhale of relief. I'd already gotten my MRI results, but she checked me out and we talked about the lymph edema, etc.

Maybe the visits every six months will get easier as time passes. I've picked up a new book called "Everything Changes" at this seminar I attended last weekend. It was an i[2]y event where Kairol Rosenthal spoke. Later we slit up into other learning sessions. I was so glad that I went. I got a lot of information out of the sections I attended. But I also felt guilty.

This event was one of the few times when I was among the "old folks" with cancer. These young people had childhood cancers, they had worse cancers, they still have cancer… they aren't married, they don't have babies… They ARE Too Young For This! WAY too young for this. And I think that perhaps there is far more that I should be doing to help them not just tag along at their events. And I am to young for this, too, but not like THEY are.

I met a woman who was just sweet and beautiful and traveled to Canada to preserve her fertility before she went through treatment for breast cancer. She is saving her eggs for the future to hopefully be a biological Mom one day. Not only that, she has a bilateral mastectomy.

Look, you can always find someone who has it better or worse and I know it's not a game. I was just SO humbled by the people there. The ones whose complications included open-heart surgery. The 30 yr old with a pacemaker. I'm annoyed that my arm is swollen and annoyed that my life consists of follow-ups and extra precautions but really, relatively speaking, the impact on my life is not so severe.

So I'll celebrate my good health and my charmed life. And I'll continue the fight for us all against cancer and all the Crap that comes with it.